We are like bright, airy rooms with open windows to the sun, as well as houses with closed shutters, sun-drenched, dust-covered rooms.
Dearest daughter,
You asked me once, how can you be so good… I don't remember what I replied to you. But today, in the sixth month of the corona days, when the stuckness, uncertainty and even fear are constantly getting on our nerves, that is, when the sweet distance between you and me is lost and it is sometimes very difficult to tolerate each other, I want to give you and, in fact, the yacht of this problem again.
I am not what you see. There are so many dark thoughts, feelings, reactions, desires that are swirling and entangling inside me…. As they pass through me, I feel ashamed, afraid to even admit it to myself. Maybe for most of my life, would you believe what you see as good, I did it without even realizing it. Or as they would suit my father's true, honest and responsible daughter… By ignoring the dark. Now what I am going to write to you here is only that it is a deception.
We are like bright, airy rooms with open windows to the sun, as well as houses with closed shutters, sun-drenched, dust-covered rooms. I don't know the number of rooms. I don't know which one is more. But I am sure that being a good person is all about 'choosing' where and how we stand. There is darkness, it is not. I'm talking about the difference between wandering around in the light, thinking it doesn't exist, and choosing to be in the light knowing it exists.
To be a concrete example, for example, you realize that you want something that a relative has, beyond envy, with envy. Jealousy mixed with anger gnaws at her. Even the thought of something bad happening to him comes to mind. Terrible! But yes it can. After realizing and accepting this feeling before resisting any longer, that is, when you turn the key of the dark room and enter it, something like this happens… and you see, a little girl who has taken refuge in a nook - the smallest version of you. In his tiny state, it was as if he was afraid of something that he could not understand in the first years of his life, maybe he felt that something would not be enough for him, even he thought that he was not loved, and the traces of these first fears are still on him. Time has passed she, the room is closed on her, she is just there she is.
What do you do in this situation? Will you close the door in the child's face? It's you. He was wearing a garment that the huge world outside of him made him live. What they have experienced does not have to be traumas or deliberate evil deeds. In fact, most of the time it doesn't. So, for example, a sibling was born, and he may have thought that he was no longer loved.
Believe me, I have just learned to go into the dark room, stay in the dark for a while, and notice the first emotion that will catch my eye, and when I come across a little girl or another first beginning, I just learn to go and stop, sometimes hug, sometimes console. And it's like every time I do this, a little more light leaks from the window of the dark room, and I'm just noticing that. If we go back to that example of jealousy, when you stay with that feeling that you can't even admit, and wonder and examine it, you see that that emotion disperses like dust particles, instead of the feeling of jealousy, you can look at what you don't have and what you want from a different perspective. And if you still want it, you start to think about what you can do in a positive way for it, you can even find yourself imagining your next steps. The room got a little bright. This was an example.
Why am I writing this now? Because living has become difficult, conditions are more challenging. It has become more difficult to stay in the light, feel better, and make the people you live with feel good. We act like we don't want any more, we can be more hurtful, we can hardly calm ourselves down. In a sense, those dark rooms beckon us more into it. It is obvious that in times like these, and always, we get the most important power from getting to know the house we live in, our own home.
Maybe a lifetime will consist of getting to know these rooms and bringing them to light, and we will never be able to achieve all of them. Still, knowing it and intending to do it, even a few clumsy efforts, is very liberating, very extenuating. It feels good every time.
You are very young and very beautiful in your youth. The most beautiful you will be when you lovingly embrace the little fears of your little self in the dark. Then you will be much more peaceful, happy and strong. Then you will blow and yawn like the wind passing from room to room. Then your stance in the bright room will be very different.
Always remember, my dear, that love is endless, abundance is endless, our freedom in choosing is unlimited. And when human beings are first honest with themselves, full of compassion and love, they can hear, wish and trust this for everyone.
You are mine, but more than me, you are the beloved daughter of this life. May the house be bright with its darkness, windows open to abundance, plenty of wind, love and trust permeating every corner, a world home where goodness and beauty are not missing and you will share with your loved ones. I hug you, every single one of you, every moment in this life with endless love.
Your mother